Golden State Warriors' Owner Joe Lacob Loses the Classroom

"Television cannot do justice to just how loud Oracle booed" (@Sherwood_Strauss)

Imagine what would've happened had the Golden State Warriors actually traded a good player instead of Monta Ellis.¹

Poor Joe Lacob looked like a high school teacher who had lost control of his class. A 20,000-person class.

After grabbing the conch from the guest of honor, I don't get why Lacob's culminating point was to tell said guest that he was going to Hawaii. Was Chris Mullin a contestant on "The Price Is Right?"

A trip to Hawaii is terrific, but doesn't seem like a fitting follow-up to a guest of honor's speech when that guest is a multi-millionaire Hall of Famer. I mean, if you’re trying to steal the thunder… Try, "On behalf of Warriors ownership, we would like to give you a trip to the future where you'll be able to play in the NBA until you're 100."

Did Chris Mullin secretly enjoy this fiasco? According to Yahoo!, Mullin didn't feel as if his night had been spoiled. “Not one bit. It seemed more directed toward other things."

Remember that a couple years ago, Mullin was publically undermined as Warriors GM and then fired. Granted, that was under a different ownership group, but Larry Riley, the GM who took his job and traded Ellis (a Mullin draft pick) is still there.

The "other things" that Mullin referred to are comprehensively listed by Marcus Thompson here, and don't include Golden State's one playoff appearance in the last 17 years (going on 18) or the last time Warriors fans booed their owner.

And Rick Barry? Get Barry a seat so he can stagejack next year's VMAs!

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1 Guys who drop 30 and give up 35 are very replaceable if your goal is to win a championship.^↩

Deliciously Racist: Jeremy Lin, the Fortune Cookie, and Other Racist Flavors

Last week, Ben & Jerry's apologized for a frozen yogurt flavor that paid tribute to Jeremy Lin, Taste the Lin-sanity. The problem? There was a furor over the sprinkling of fortune cookie bits on the yogurt.

Fortune cookie bits on yogurt sounds innocuous enough, and actually, possibly delicious, but it took me a moment¹ to realize that yo, this is racist.

While being Taiwanese-American and associated with fortune cookies is not as wearing as other associations, the cookie isn't even from Taiwan or China (it's from America by way of Japan). Some Asian-Americans see the fortune cookie as symbolizing the most superficial aspects of Asian culture, namely its food, an aspect that some non-Asians never look beyond in their understanding of Asian culture.

There's a reason why Jin, the first Chinese rapper signed by a major American record label, announced at the beginning of his 2003 single, "Learn Chinese":

Yeah you know who this is, Jin, and let me just tell you this

The days of the pork fried rice and the chicken wings comin to ur house by me is over

Some Asian-Americans aspire to other positions in America besides being "pork fried lice" delivery men (or computer engineers or doctors or businessmen). Some want to be basketball stars, rappers—ultimately, leading men.

The fortune cookie? Tasty, but insignificant².

Still think Asian-Americans are being too sensitive about this? Let's sample other Ben & Jerry's froyo flavors that pay tribute to NBA stars.

Rajon Road: Chocolate yogurt with banana chunks.

White Chocolate: A Northern California hit in the late 90's, it made sporadic appearances in the South throughout the 2000s.

The Jose Ricky Garcia Rodriguez: Mexican fried yogurt.

Steve Bland: Vanilla yogurt blended with water. Tap water.

Baron Day's Worth of Calories: Triple fudge yogurt sprinkled with fried chicken skin, bacon bits, and foie gras. The froyo of choice for inactive millionaires.³

Contraceptives 'n Cream: Vanilla ice cream in a condom. Contraceptives ruin ice cream like they ruin the flowering of life.

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1 My moment was when I put it up to the Should I Kick Your Ass Test. Judging whether or not something is racist is that simple. If you call me a fortune cookie and I don't know you? I MIGHT have to kick your ass.^↩

2 Ultimately, Taste the Lin-sanity was both thoughtless and overly deliberate. Overly deliberate meaning that B & J's really tried to force the "Asian-ness" by adding fortune cookie bits; thoughtless because they decided that Asian-Americans would accept being associated with something that already has negative stereotypes for us. In the words of Amy Tan, a fortune cookie offers not fortunes, but "bad instruction."^↩

3 This is a low blow. Davis has looked svelte so far in his New York debut.^↩

Why the Kings Aren't Scoring & Why It's Dean Lombardi's Fault

The Los Angeles Kings' scoring problems go beyond their top-six forwards.

The top-six has been maligned all season, and rightly so. However, Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown, and Mike Richards are scoring at a rate roughly similar to their pace last year.

	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2011-12 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Dustin Brown	.34 goals per game (28 goals)	.28 (23)
Anze Kopitar	.33 (27)	.28 (23)
Mike Richards	.28 (23)	.25 (21)

Ryan Smyth was part of LA's top-six last season and Richards has matched Smyth's performance, up to the annual midseason injury and slump.

	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Ryan Smyth	.28 (23)

Justin Williams has struggled to score, though he's still providing much-needed offensive creativity, and Simon Gagne being hurt, well, hurts because the Kings never adequately replaced him. Of course, Dustin Penner has driven off the cliff.

	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2011-12 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Simon Gagne	.27 (22)	.22 (18)
Justin Williams	.30 (25)	.20 (16)
Dustin Penner	.28 (23)	.11 (9)

The Kings are hoping that Jeff Carter can make up for both the loss of Gagne and the Penner Triangle, which is a tall task, but quite possible, given Carter's track record.

	2007-08 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2008-09 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2009-10 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2011-12 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Jeff Carter	.35 (29)	.56 (46)	.45 (37)	.45 (37)	.36 (30)

So full credit must be given to Kings GM Dean Lombardi for finally patching up the top-six.

Scoring from the defense is also roughly the same as last season, even swapping Jack Johnson out for Slava Voynov.

	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2011-12 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Jack Johnson	.06 (5)	.13 (11)
Drew Doughty	.14 (11)	.12 (10)
Slava Voynov	N/A	.11 (9)
Willie Mitchell	.09 (7)	.07 (6)
Alec Martinez	.08 (7)	.06 (5)
Matt Greene	.03 (2)	.05 (4)
Rob Scuderi	.02 (2)	.02 (2)

So what wasn't fixed at the Trade Deadline, during the season, or during the off-season?¹

The third line.

These are the Kings who have spent time there this season.

	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)	2011-12 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Andrei Loktionov	Only played 19 games	.08 (7)
Jarret Stoll	.24 (20)	.08 (7)
Kyle Clifford	.09 (7)	.06 (5)
Brad Richardson	.10 (8)	.06 (5)
Trent Hunter	Not with Kings	.05 (4)
Trevor Lewis	.04 (3)	.04 (3)
Ethan Moreau	Not with Kings	.04 (3)
Colin Fraser	Not with Kings	.02 (2)

And these were the third-line players from last season who left.

	2010-11 Goals Per Game Average (82-game Projection)
Wayne Simmonds	.18 (15)
Michael Handzus	.15 (12)
Alexei Ponikarovsky	.08 (7)

Nobody has accounted for Handzus and Simmonds's lost production. Stoll figured to at least match (assuming some drop-off because of less even strength and power play time) either player's goal-scoring pace , but he's currently scoring at a fourth-line level.

The problem isn't that Lombardi let Handzus or Simmonds go.

Handzus had clearly lost a step last season, and despite early returns, I will still staunchly defend trading Simmonds and Brayden Schenn for Richards. Handzus has played to mixed reviews in San Jose, and while Simmonds has flourished in Philadelphia, it's hard to see him scoring quite as much in LA's defense-first system.

The problem is Dean Lombardi didn't replace them adequately.

While Stoll's offensive collapse couldn't be foreseen, Hunter and Moreau were longshots from the beginning based on their ages and injury histories. And no one from the remaining pool of Loktionov, Lewis, Clifford, Richardson, Westgarth, or Fraser had ever provided consistent secondary scoring. To boot, Oscar Moller and Bud Holloway went to Sweden² over the summer, and after Loktionov, they would've been the first players called up to try to provide secondary scoring.

Now this may sound like much ado about nothing. It's the THIRD and FOURTH lines. It's the BOTTOM-six. But the difference between bottom-six production last year and this year, at this rate, will be about 20 goals.³

Do you think Jonathan Quick could use 20 more goals this season?

Dean should have known.

He made a bet on cast-offs like Moreau and Hunter, and unproven players like Clifford and Lewis, that looked bad at the beginning of the season.

Looking forward, the Kings are hoping that Dwight King and Jordan Nolan (Moller and Holloway almost certainly would've beat them to the big club) can sustain their early productivity. The Kings have also set Stoll up with Penner for the last three games, and both have played well. However, trusting Dustin Penner to be consistent is like giving these guys your Ferrari.

The Kings have the same problem that was predicted in October, a problem exacerbated by slightly less than expected scoring from the "big" guns: The third line sucks.⁴ The lack of scoring from there isn't from a lack of confidence, it's from a lack of talent.

JC might provide the scoring boost to the top-six necessary to drag the Kings into the playoffs, but without a threatening third line, Los Angeles is looking at another first-round bounce anyway.

And we're looking at life, AD (After Dean).

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1 Remember that the Kings were already the 25th-ranked scoring team last year. So we're just talking about matching just THAT level to make the playoffs.

I realize the high prices that elite third-liners like Paul Gaustad commanded at the deadline do make a GM pause, but waiting until the Trade Deadline to address this issue was a mistake from the start. Finding a third-line scorer or two who can chip in 10 goals shouldn't be this hard when you have a whole season and off-season to do it.
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2 Is it conceivable that Moller and Holloway might have put up 20 or so goals between them over a full season? Moller has scored 12 goals in 87 NHL games; Holloway is leading his team in Sweden with 28 goals, as he led Manchester in goals last year too. Could those 20 or so goals in the lineup over waiver fodder like Hunter and Moreau be the difference between making or missing the playoffs? Yup. Moller and Holloway’s departures may end up being the overlooked domino that brought down Lombardi’s regime.^↩

3 Kings Bottom-Six Forwards (All Forwards Except Top-Six)

2010-11 Goals (82-game average)...54 Goals (.66 Goals Per Game Average)

2011-12 Projected Goals (82-game average)....36 Goals (.44 Goals Per Game Average)
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4 If the third line is not creating consistent offensive pressure on the other team, doesn't it stand to reason that opposing teams can key in more on the top-six?

I wouldn’t have waited until the Trade Deadline to address the problem because of the higher prices.

However, if I had waited because I thought that Stoll or Hunter might turn it around, I would’ve anted up for a solid grinder like Daniel Winnik or gambled on Mike Knuble or Brian Rolston or Dominic Moore. Steve Downie probably would’ve been a pipe dream. I would’ve looked at Ponikarovsky again; by the end of last season, he had really started to play a decent grind game. I would’ve overpaid for Travis Moen, but I don’t know if he was available. Why didn’t LA pick up Anthony Stewart off waivers a month ago?

It might cost a solid asset like Loktionov or Toffoli or a second-rounder, but unless I was very sure that the asset was going to develop into a top player, it would be worth it because the team is trying to win now. Granted, none of the aforementioned players (except Downie) have a lot of goals this year, but they have track records. If you have a need and the market is weak, but you know that your guys can’t cut it, you take a chance.

A couple years ago, Lombardi fortified his bottom-six at the Deadline. He threw away a solid asset in Teddy Purcell to get middling play by Jeff Halpern and literally gave up nothing (a conditional 7th round pick—the condition? The Kings winning the Stanley Cup) for terrific play by Fredrik Modin. Even though Purcell became a solid scorer (I’m not sure he would’ve ever blossomed in LA’s conservative system of play), I applauded and still applaud the intent of those deals, and Modin’s mini-renaissance (couldn’t you have seen Knuble come back to life for the Kings?) exemplified the upside of the gamble.
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